Christmas in Prison
by Eagle Lord
Summary: This story starts with a chocobo in the ShinRa building. I'm going to try to work it around to prison, in some way. It's pretty random. I was just in a writing mood.


Disclaimer: It is not mine. I do not own it. Well, I did write the words, but that's it.  
  
A/N: I just felt like writing "Christmas was coming, the chocobo was getting fat", and the rest came from there. More chapters to follow, just because writing this was so much fun!  
  
Christmas was coming, the chocobo was getting fat. This fat chocobo had parked itself in the middle of the top floor of the ShinRa main building. The board had assembled for a meeting to find it there.  
  
Rufus: What is this chocobo doing here?  
  
Reeve: It must have used the elevator . . .  
  
Scarlet: I suppose it has some complaint about the way the city is run, wouldn't you say?  
  
Rufus: Don't be silly. There is nothing wrong with the way the city is run.  
  
Hojo: Oh THAT'S why it isn't here to complain.   
  
Heidegger: Gya haa haa!  
  
Hojo: What do you want now?  
  
Scarlet: Don't let him worry you, he likes to do that.  
  
Palmer: No one laughs like that . . .  
  
Rufus: Focus, people! How do we get this thing out?  
  
Scarlet: We could just blow it up.  
  
Palmer: Are we talking about the chocobo?  
  
Rufus/Scarlet: Yes!  
  
Hojo: You can't blow up a giant bird right in the building. The roof would be blown off!  
  
Scarlet: Let me handle this! I know what our weapons do.  
  
Palmer: So you're saying that we can blow up this bird and not harm the building?  
  
Scarlet: Actually . . . no.   
  
Hojo: I told you so.  
  
Reeve: Let's just think about this. We could try to answer its complaint, if it has one. Then it would gladly leave, wouldn't it?  
  
Heidegger: Gya haa haa! Let's push it out a window!  
  
Rufus: One idea at a time. Let's try to answer its question.  
  
Hojo: You must be joking . . .  
  
Rufus: Scarlet, round up the best interpreter in Midgar. We're going to need all the help we can get. Palmer, go get . . . a vet. Or someone else who understands the needs of animals.  
  
Scarlet: I'll get right on that.  
  
Palmer: I think I can find someone.  
  
The two exit. Moments later they return with Barret and Tifa.  
  
Scarlet: The really big one says that he . . . wait a minute! I know you!  
  
Barret: Yo, no shit, bitch. How dumb do you get?   
  
ShinRa: Argh! I can't believe you brought them here.  
  
Tifa: Boo-ya! We got in! Now try and stop us.  
  
All of ShinRa: Ok.  
  
Tifa: Oh yeah. We're very much outnumbered.  
  
Barret: YO! Man, Tifa, why didn't you think of this!   
  
Tifa: Hey, you're the leader.  
  
Scarlet: Hel-lo! We're going to kill you now.  
  
Rufus: Yeah, I'm trying to deal with a situation. I don't want to have to deal with . . . a different situation.   
  
Tifa: Fine with us. Let's go, Barret.  
  
Rufus: I meant we were planning to kill you quickly, little girl.  
  
Tifa: You big meany! *slaps Scarlet*  
  
Scarlet: Hey, what was that for? I didn't do anything.  
  
Tifa: Yeah, but it would be weird to slap a guy.  
  
Hojo: Are we killing them or not?  
  
Barret: Woah, damn this. I know a lot about animals, ya know?  
  
Palmer: Damn what?  
  
Barret: Yo, Tif does to, if ya catch my drift.  
  
Reeve: It's not hard to "catch your drift". We don't need your help, right President Rufus?  
  
Rufus: On second thought, I think that we could use their help. Mr. Chocobo is eating my desk.  
  
Tifa: How? I didn't think they had teeth.  
  
Barret: See how much she knows about Chocobos?   
  
Heidegger: Let's get on with it, then! Gya haa haa!  
  
Barret: *after staring at Heidegger* We need our little helpers, though.  
  
Palmer: That doesn't sound too bad.  
  
Tifa: Ok! HEY GUYS, GET IN HERE!  
  
*Cloud, Aeris, Yuffie, Vincent, Cid, Nanaki, and Cait Sith enter the room*  
  
Reeve: Kitty . . .  
  
Aeris: Are you guys in grave need of my holy influence and healing abilities?  
  
Cloud: Or my surly attitude and amazing fighting abilities?  
  
Yuffie: Or my hyperactive nature and thieving hands?  
  
Cid: Or my ship? 'Cause you can't have it.  
  
Nanaki: Or anything that I have?  
  
Tifa: Um . . . no thank you.  
  
Barret: Hell, we do need yo help, see? We gotta translate what this here chocobo wants.  
  
Cid: What? @#$%^&*@#$%^&*^%&*$#@.  
  
Aeris: Oh my.  
  
Tifa: Yeah, they need to figure out what this chocobo wants so it will leave.  
  
Scarlet: Yes. Can you people do it?  
  
Hojo: You just invited almost all our enemies into this office . . . and you're not even going to kill them?  
  
Rufus: Need help, we do. Ask them, we must.  
  
Barret: Let's get to work.  
  
Cloud: Someone shoot me dead.  
  
Barret: Gladly!  
  
Cloud: You're so stupid! Why are we helping these people? We're not outnumbered anymore.  
  
Tifa /Barret: Oh yeah . . .  
  
Aeris: Never mind that. Let's help them anyway, just to be nice.  
  
Nanaki: I think I'll go study the stars and think about my father and grandfather . . .  
  
Barret: No, ya won't! We need all the smart heads we can get.  
  
Cait Sith: Are you really sure this is a good idea?  
  
Barret: YO!!!!!!  
  
Yuffie: Hyper, hyper, hyper, hyper, hyper, hyper, hyper, hyper, hyper, hyper, hyper,!  
  
Cid: We get the point.  
  
Rufus: Ok, ok. Just ask the chocobo what it wants.  
  
*Aeris sat down behind the desk and looked understandingly at the chocobo with her elbows on the desk and her chin resting on her hands*  
  
Aeris: Ok, Mr. Chocobo, what seems to be the trouble?  
  
Rufus: I really think I should be the one to talk to Mr. Chocobo.  
  
Scarlet: Good idea. That shows him that the company cares.  
  
Hojo: Dear God.  
  
*Sephiroth flies in through a window*  
  
Sephiroth: Someone called?  
  
Rufus: No, no! Go away! I can't take this stress!  
  
Sephiroth: Well excuse me. I heard my birthright calling me, the planet screaming my name, begging to to claim what should be mine . . .  
  
Hojo: Actually, that was me.  
  
Sephiroth: Looky, a chocobo!  
  
Rufus: MR. CHOCOBO!  
  
********************************************  
  
Oops, I've got to go. Yeah, I know this was completely random. I just felt in one of those moods. Read and review! 


End file.
